And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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