True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
