god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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