I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
