Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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