Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
