So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
