zippers are such a cool invention
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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