Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
