How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
