ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
