she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
