I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
