My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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