no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
