I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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