i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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