I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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