i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
