my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
