some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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