I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
