M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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