things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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