How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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