Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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