is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize