I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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