i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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