I puked a lego.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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