You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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