Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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