Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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