You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
