Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize