If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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