You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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