im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
