sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
