You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize