That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
