I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
