apparently the secret to your success is patron
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize