You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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