He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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