ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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