I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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