I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
