All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
