Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize