Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
