my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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