Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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