so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
