In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
