are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
