shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
