just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
