So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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