I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
