I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
