I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
