It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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