Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
