She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The air taste purple.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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