well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
