He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
