please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize