At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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