Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize